I dare you to write in my Honesty Box

I spend a lot of time on Facebook. Its an addiction, like crack or heroin. I have a problem. I need my fix, and I'll break promises and friendships to get it. I should probably go to meetings or something. I can figure out who wrote in my Honesty Box by cross referencing the writing style to who I think it is, and then checking the time stamps of the Honesty Box message and the other Facebook activity of my suspects. I probably watch too many detective shows, but that's for a different time and place. The point is, I have a problem.

Like crack and heroin, my addiction is beginning to take a toll on my social life. Don't worry, it isn't because I'm selling myself for friend requests or wall-posts. It's because I'm starting to know people before I even meet them.

I went to Dal last semester**, so, you know, I didn't live here. Every time I looked through my friends' photo albums, there would be new faces that I was completely unfamiliar with. So, being a curious person by nature, I would click on their profile if I could. Who are these new people? Are they good enough for my friends? I would ask someone on MSN who they are, what they're like, where they came from, who has crushes on them, etc. etc. But then I'd start asking myself things like, "Am I being replaced? Is there still room for me when I get home? Will people even remember me?" Shut up, Connor, people love you.

Back to my problem. Once I came home from school, I was confronted with actually having to meet these people. But I already knew them? I knew their names, where they're from, what people find annoying about them. Its like we'd already met. I made the mistake of saying to one of them, "Oh hey, I recognize you from Facebook." That was a bad idea. Saying, "I know you from the internet," to someone is the creepiest thing you can possibly do. It doesn't matter how innocently you meant for it to be. "But you're in all of my friends photo albums!?" Doesn't matter. You can't win. That person is going to look at you like you farted for the rest of the night.

I quickly learned that the best thing to do is play dumb. Act like you've never heard that person's name before. "Hm, you're who? I've never heard of you ever before! You hang out with my friends all the time now?! This is news! Call the Panther Post!" And I can continue to live with my addiction in peace. I think I've met everyone. But its not like I'd actually tell you that. I've never met you before in my life. You're who?


**Say hi to me on campus, please. I'm new and don't know where I'm going. Directions are appreciated.

You look good, promise.

I recently was proposed a difficult and perplexing question by an extremely attractive female friend of mine.

"okay, this is a random question again, but name a girl (this is SO mean I know, but I have to know) that you think is classified as 'chunky'"?

It was a strange question, but in the interest of honesty I gave her a straight answer. Worried, I poked and prodded to get her to tell me what exactly made her ask about this.

It turns out, a guy told her she could lose a few pounds.

This girl is probably the prettiest girl I know. I couldn't believe it! I had to reassure this girl that she's pretty the way she is. She runs everyday! She's in amazing shape!

I have no idea where this guy gets off. I wasn't a fan of him before either. He's a freeloading, 30-year-old gay man. He bums her for rides all the time, just because he's her boss for PEI Fashion Week. He's obnoxiously flamboyant. And now he does this. I don't know if he thinks he can get away with it because he's gay, or if he is just THIS much of an asshole.

Really what I'm trying to get across is that, as a responsible male, I feel that I have no place telling a girl she could "do good by losing a few pounds." It just seems so blatantly rude to me. Girls have enough trouble forming a positive self-image in our society, that they sure as hell don't need me telling them they look bad.

In these situations, I adopt a "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" philosophy. Its in no way my place to tell a girl how comfortable she should be with her body. If she asks me if an outfit looks okay, I'll give her a straight answer. But you will NEVER catch me telling a girl it would look better on her if she lost weight.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, maybe I'm a good person. I feel like this is a lot of self-back patting right now, but this guy really pissed me off.